PLANET EARTH- Human Man, a 40 year-old home
owner, lost his house on Friday after losing in a Quick scoping match in Inactivision’s
game CALL OF NOOBY. “I didn’t see that coming,” says Human. “I thought this is supposed
to be a game and all, never knew that online bets work this way.” He mentions
that as soon as he lost the match, his “house, wife, car” and everything other
than the “video game console and the TV” were transferred to his opponent.
He states that he had a stressful week
because of his job. “I just came back from work and said ‘all right, I guess I’m
going to put my energy into this’ then turned on my console and sat on the couch
with my beer.” He mentions that he was doing badly in the game which is not a
good sign.
Provocative behavior in popular online video
games is viral. Human says that he received many hate messages that day and tried
his “best to ignore” them. “I received messages like ‘you suck! go watch my
little pony’ kind of thing, I don’t know why these people say things like this.”
Many bullies harassed him but one of them named “xxSwAgYOLO-420-QSxx”, 13 year
old Teenager Human, stood out. “He wouldn’t stop messaging
me, it was as if his only task in life was to annoy me.”
|
| The lobby that Human Man was playing in before the incident. Teenager Human and his friends are exhibiting immature behavior (some offensive symbols are censored). |
It all started when Human Man had “a
negative score” in “Destroy and Search matches” when he was in the same lobby
as xxSwAgYOLO-420-QSxx clan. “In the next match after losing many times I managed
to kill the whole clan with the Final Stand Death streak and won.” Human Teenager,
who is an obvious “try hard quickscoper” was furious because of the outcome of
the match. “I was happy for once because I killed the whole team! They were a
clan so that means that they were good, yes?” says Human Man while laughing.
The 40 year old states that when he went
back to the game lobby the clan insulted him through their microphones using
the squeaky voice ability. “I was so immersed into the game at that moment that
I forgot that the TV speakers were loud, damn the house sounded like a big cage
of parakeets”. Then he left the lobby afterwards, but the insults from Teenager
Human didn’t stop there. He kept on sending him messages containing the
infamous phrase “I … your mom last night”, the repeated abuse “infuriated”
Human and made him jump on the try hard bandwagon. “I couldn’t hold myself, I
had to end it there. So I challenged him to ‘1v1 me’ and bet my house that he couldn’t
win.”
 |
| The lobby that Human Man setup in his "1v1" match against Teenager Human. |
The bullying could have stopped if Human blocked Teenager, but he states
that the blocking feature was not implemented in a useful manner.
Human lost the challenge and consequently
his home. “I was stupid, I should have not done this. I thought that you couldn’t
lose anything in this situation since I wasn’t serious about the bet”. Human is
still receiving taunting messages from Teenager containing a modified version
of the infamous phrase.
Inactivsion’s CEO, Corrupt C. Human,
commented on the incident stating that “one should not bet anything online, the
consequences can be fatal.” The reality can be painful but Human Man is still
optimistic “It’s painful, I know. I’m completely devastated, I lost everything
that I worked for. But let’s look on the bright side of things, it’s a new
start!” Currently, the planet officials are considering law revisions.
SwEg yOlO nOOsE.
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